The circle of life
First, I must apologise for the long delay in writing this blog. The main reason is, that I have been writing a new novel and then, feeling exhausted by finishing it, I went to Greece in order to recover! I sat in the beautiful hotel gardens or by the pool and sea, with azure skies and plenty of sun. I’m now back in London, the weather is terrible, and there is absolutely no excuse for me to delay any longer.
It was while on holiday in Greece that a new subject came to me, as I sat observing parents, mainly with very small children, trying to keep them in order. Some were far better at it than others, and it was noticeable that a great many mothers lay in the sun, leaving the care of offspring to the fathers. This maybe because they needed a break from the strain of non-stop parenting at home. Those of us who have been through it will know the problems. It was when I was watching these families that I thought of the strange journey we all make. Shakespeare said it all in his ‘Ages of Man’ speech – but this is my personal translation.
At the start we have these beautiful babies, who turn into charming toddlers and all the hard work seems worth it, because their development is so fascinating. We cannot believe it won’t all continues to be as interesting as this. Then they become children with all the needs of schooling, the use of discipline and care during illnesses but still the hope is there. After that these beautiful toddlers arrive as teenagers, which can be a far more troubling time. Nowadays this progress into adulthood is made even more difficult by social media with all the problems that can throw at them, plus the continued threat of drugs and alcohol. If they emerge unscathed past their 21st birthdays, whether having been to university or taken some other sort of training, they are now expected to settle down as adults; find a job, a house, and have relationships, which is a very tall order. Many fall by the wayside. This is where parenting tends to give up, watching helplessly as their children fall into exactly the same paths as they did with settling down, starting a family, trying to earn a living and all the other struggles that are part of a life’s journey.
In this progress through a lifetime, I think perhaps the most difficult decade is when you reach the age of 50. If you’ve had children, they may have moved away, the house becomes empty, your relationship in the doldrums. If you haven’t had children, you may be reaching the end of your working life. It is a strange limbo time that many find uneasy and have problems in adjusting to a different kind of existence. The most successful keep working at something, or find outside interests that keep them happily occupied. The less successful remain locked in a domestic routine until old age and illness overtake them.
This is a depressing view but as we live longer it is a sad fact that many live a lonely and boring existence. Some will happily be able to take pleasure in grandchildren which has all the advantages of early experiences of children, with none of the responsibility and endless grind. But it is a fact that in time these grandchildren will grow up, have children of their own and the whole relentless circle of life starts again.
Of course, this is a great generalisation and some will go through life without feeling the strains and unhappiness of lost hopes and ambitions. But for most, unless born with an extremely positive outlook, the struggles start early on. I always find it surprising that most people expect life to be easy and their journey to be untroubled. In my experience it isn’t. It is how you deal with the many troubles that assail you, that helps you emerge into a happier old age as you journey on towards your natural end. There are many diversions to help with the latter stages of life; listening to music, gardening, reading, seeing friends, travel – if you are physically up to it. My prescription for a happy last few decades, is to have plenty of interests – and avoid looking at the news!
